the hopeful july

July cycle

July itself warrant a post of its own because it gave a rim of hope when we did the scan at the beginning of the cycle.  I am still on Puregol jabs on 26th to 31st and returned back to clinic on 1st August.  Ann was extremely please and alarmed that there were a couple of eggs growing well and two large eggs waiting to be released, furthermore , the lining was thick. She was happy and it made me happy too that my doc thought we might have higher chances. The healthy egg growths and lining could be due to  the complete two weeks break in Korea. There is definitely a high correlation between stress and your fertility health .

 I started calling hubs and let him know . We were hopeful, we dreamt of having tweenies, we laughed and joked about life with tweenies, but the journey of conceiving continued as the pregnancy strip turned negative at the end . Menses came unexpectedly at day 23, an extremely short cycle which Ann said could be due to the early ovulation. I was feeling down right blue and uncontrollably shed tears and feeling moody for a day . this emotional swing happened despite my mental preparedness for it. I am beginning to appreciate all the sharing of the mothers on the fertility forums.

Cycle monitoring continues

may and June 2013 cycle 

So the April  cycle flopped in CLOMID as my lining and eggs did not respond positively to the drug . I t did not helped that at work front, the work pace was pretty hectic unknowingly. so in the May cycle , Ann has changed my medication to Puregol jabs, this pen like injection that I needed to start jabbing myself from day 2 onwards to day 7 and thereafter I would go back for her to do the follicular scanning and determine if my follicles were growing healthily. there were a couple of follicles which were growing pretty well and hence I was given a hcg jab to simulate the release of the egg on day 10  , and thereafter we need to be diligent in our work at home.

While Puregol jab seemed almost painless, but for someone who was afraid of needles , this was still a daunting task for me. the nurses have grown to known this patient of theirs and was patient in encouraging their patient to try giving the jab to herself, but still the attempt was fruitless and she has rendered help from the hubby.

The hormonal jabs had caused some giddy spells, fatigue.  It was then recommended that supplement should be started. so vitamin d, c, omega three fatty acids, folic tablets had to be taken so that overall well being and egg quality could be improved . The supplements were pricy!

but still, these may cycle  was negative. june we stop stimulating since i am going away to be for conference in korea in early weeks of july. Ann advised to give body a break so that I can be all recharged again to start

Emotionally, there were lots of questioning on the next step to do. clearer directions were given when I had a good chat with the boss, poured out to her about my concerns and worries, laid out what I felt should be done in the next half of the year and next year.

by god's grace , boss was understanding and supportive that it was needful for me to slow down and was supportive of my plans to either took 3 days work week or clearing block leave in the next half of year. It relieved me a little to know that concrete actions were taken.

Sleepy eggs...

So last Thursday , we went and saw our gynea , a late follow up after the operation was in October. we were suppose to do a follow up with her in January , however I was a little too swarmed with work in the beginning of the year and hence did not go ahead with the appointment

we waited quite a while in her clinic, hubs and I were a little tired from our work and we were not very prepared on the questions to ask. basically, we were curious about our next step to take . she did a scan and mentioned that I m not releasing my eggs. They were a littl e sleepy and need a little push. hence,  despite the deliberate trying within the last few months, we might be just doing it in a " non- effective manner" as my dearie eggs are probably just not waking up.

so the official declaration came, she will néed to monitor me on Day 9 and Day10 in our next cycle and I have to start taking CLOMID 

Another milestone...

Time flies. Has it been three months since the last diagnosis? I am into my fourth day of recovery from the operation since last Friday. I survived it and thankful for all the good nurses and doctors at Mount E. The polyps, fibroid have all been removed !  Friends and colleagues have dropped me  messages of encouragement and concern. It seemed like a new chapter of hope and love and beginning that the lord has placed to strengthen me for next phase of life.

 The operation though was minor, was an important reminder for me to take care of my physical health and slowing down to draw myself closer to the lord and what he wanted  me to restore and rest whatever my desire and concerns in him. Hubs and I felt that this was a good start...

 "Surely the goodness and mercy of the lord shall follow me all the rest of my life"

Went to Dr Ho after my last visit two months ago for a follow up on a cyst spotted on my left womb. Back then, he said the cyst could disappear as it could usually appear when a woman is having menstruation. This caused a little worry and I have been praying about it over the past two months

I am back again in the clinic, having missed my last appointment due to heavy work schedule. Dr Ho did a scan and told me that I have endometrsis polyps/ uterine polyps and a fibroid. I was trying to appear strong and not be too reactive about it. I got him to explain to me a little further. He told me that he was not so concerned about the fibroid as it was a growth muscle tissue from the uterus. however, he would like to monitor me on the uterine polys since this may impede me on getting pregnant. The next visit would be in August and we can decide if we will need a surgery after that. Meanwhile, we can continue to try since the poly and fibroid is still small.

Uterine polys upon some research:

•  maybe caused by increase in the estrogen  . Increase in estrogen is in turn caused by stress level or over use of fertility drugs. ( For me, it maybe the formal as work life has been rather stressful and fast paced)
• the symptoms could be excessive bleeding, spotting in between cycles ( which I did have over past month and I thought it could probably be due to the miscarriage happened in February)
• Uterine polys, can be remove by simple D& C ( but not recommended as it might not totally not removed ) . Some recommend that it should be balance with TCM or acumpuncture so that there will be no regrowth of the polys in the future.
•  if it is not removed , it may affect the implantation of the ovum or a cause of future miscarriages. The embroyo may not be able to get the right nutrition as well
• it is usually benign , unless otherwise it can be precancerous or 1in a million times cancerous

After stepping out of the clinic, i began to get worried and more worried, simply because reproductive health wasn't in the best shape this year . And to make matters worse, each clinic visit would be accompanied by some shocking " discoveries" of my womb, my ovaries etc with my heightening desire to have a baby after trying for the past two year. To me, being in pink health is the most important and I seriously do not like to have all these negative symptoms in my body.  I called hubs and a dear friend, as much as i try to be rational about it, I couldnt help it and teared as i relate to them.

Is God trying to teach me to rely more on him and not on my own strength for this conception journey? Is he trying to tell me not to focus on the physical symptoms but on what he can do for me in the spritual realm? He said in his word " No womb shall be barren" and I need to hold on to that promise dearly. I prayed that god will show me a clear direction in what i need to do in my life , especially in the area of work, to get conceive. I need to stand steadfast in his everlasting love and grace, so that my fears of my ability to conceive, my fears of my career, my fears of finance can be all rested in his hands. Dear father, I pray urnestly that you will lead me step by step in making a wise decision for my health and family.

10 reasons for spotting

I am definitely gettting more attuned to my body, when there is discharge, when there is a rise in temperature and when i feel giddiness.These symptoms have been regular ever since i am trying to conceive. So google has become my best partner in sourcing for information because my body has very irregular symptoms which i never experienced before. So just today, i started having some cramps and some spotting. I remembered doctor mentioned that my period should be coming in two weeks time so i couldn't possibly have all these. Worried, i found this on the web that possibly could address some of my concerns: http://beyondfertility.com/10-to-articles/reasons-for-spotting/

Naturopathy

It came to my realization that i have not taken care of myself since the last miscarriage and it just suddenly dwell on me the importance of taking good care of one self , your mind, body and sooul. SO i have recently been researching about this whole new area of treat called Naturapathy and it is not a new idea to me. Somehow, some one introduced to me last year via a masseur but i did not heed the advice and also seriously i wondered why on one hand i have been saying that I will like to conceive but on the other hand , I am not committing to any concrete efforts. After the last miscarriage in end February, it seemed like a greater wake up call that i need to take care of my own well being. Well, I guess this whole idea has lifted me to take a very different perspective to take a more active control in my fertility issues and seeing myself in a more positive light in terms of my reproductive health as compared to last year. Last year, has just been an emotional roller coaster and trying to regain my own equilibrium. SO hear's sharing some of what naturopatic ideology is According to WiKi,

Naturopathic ideology focuses on naturally-occurring substances, minimally-invasive methods, and encouragement of natural healing. Naturopaths generally favor an intuitive and vitalistic conception of the body, and complete rejection of biomedicine and modern science is common. Prevention through stress reduction and a healthy diet and lifestyle is emphasized, and pharmaceutical drugs, ionizing radiation, and surgery are generally minimized. The philosophy of naturopathic practice is self-described by six core values. 1.First, do no harm; provide the most effective health care available with the least risk to patients at all times (primum non nocere). 2.Recognize, respect and promote the self-healing power of nature inherent in each individual human being. (Vis medicatrix naturae, a form of vitalism).[32] 3.Identify and remove the causes of illness, rather than eliminate or suppress symptoms (Tolle Causum). 4.Educate, inspire rational hope and encourage self-responsibility for health (Doctor as Teacher). 5.Treat each person by considering all individual health factors and influences. (Treat the Whole Person). 6.Emphasize the condition of health to promote well-being and to prevent diseases for the individual, each community