Another milestone...

Time flies. Has it been three months since the last diagnosis? I am into my fourth day of recovery from the operation since last Friday. I survived it and thankful for all the good nurses and doctors at Mount E. The polyps, fibroid have all been removed !  Friends and colleagues have dropped me  messages of encouragement and concern. It seemed like a new chapter of hope and love and beginning that the lord has placed to strengthen me for next phase of life.

 The operation though was minor, was an important reminder for me to take care of my physical health and slowing down to draw myself closer to the lord and what he wanted  me to restore and rest whatever my desire and concerns in him. Hubs and I felt that this was a good start...

 "Surely the goodness and mercy of the lord shall follow me all the rest of my life"

Went to Dr Ho after my last visit two months ago for a follow up on a cyst spotted on my left womb. Back then, he said the cyst could disappear as it could usually appear when a woman is having menstruation. This caused a little worry and I have been praying about it over the past two months

I am back again in the clinic, having missed my last appointment due to heavy work schedule. Dr Ho did a scan and told me that I have endometrsis polyps/ uterine polyps and a fibroid. I was trying to appear strong and not be too reactive about it. I got him to explain to me a little further. He told me that he was not so concerned about the fibroid as it was a growth muscle tissue from the uterus. however, he would like to monitor me on the uterine polys since this may impede me on getting pregnant. The next visit would be in August and we can decide if we will need a surgery after that. Meanwhile, we can continue to try since the poly and fibroid is still small.

Uterine polys upon some research:

•  maybe caused by increase in the estrogen  . Increase in estrogen is in turn caused by stress level or over use of fertility drugs. ( For me, it maybe the formal as work life has been rather stressful and fast paced)
• the symptoms could be excessive bleeding, spotting in between cycles ( which I did have over past month and I thought it could probably be due to the miscarriage happened in February)
• Uterine polys, can be remove by simple D& C ( but not recommended as it might not totally not removed ) . Some recommend that it should be balance with TCM or acumpuncture so that there will be no regrowth of the polys in the future.
•  if it is not removed , it may affect the implantation of the ovum or a cause of future miscarriages. The embroyo may not be able to get the right nutrition as well
• it is usually benign , unless otherwise it can be precancerous or 1in a million times cancerous

After stepping out of the clinic, i began to get worried and more worried, simply because reproductive health wasn't in the best shape this year . And to make matters worse, each clinic visit would be accompanied by some shocking " discoveries" of my womb, my ovaries etc with my heightening desire to have a baby after trying for the past two year. To me, being in pink health is the most important and I seriously do not like to have all these negative symptoms in my body.  I called hubs and a dear friend, as much as i try to be rational about it, I couldnt help it and teared as i relate to them.

Is God trying to teach me to rely more on him and not on my own strength for this conception journey? Is he trying to tell me not to focus on the physical symptoms but on what he can do for me in the spritual realm? He said in his word " No womb shall be barren" and I need to hold on to that promise dearly. I prayed that god will show me a clear direction in what i need to do in my life , especially in the area of work, to get conceive. I need to stand steadfast in his everlasting love and grace, so that my fears of my ability to conceive, my fears of my career, my fears of finance can be all rested in his hands. Dear father, I pray urnestly that you will lead me step by step in making a wise decision for my health and family.

10 reasons for spotting

I am definitely gettting more attuned to my body, when there is discharge, when there is a rise in temperature and when i feel giddiness.These symptoms have been regular ever since i am trying to conceive. So google has become my best partner in sourcing for information because my body has very irregular symptoms which i never experienced before. So just today, i started having some cramps and some spotting. I remembered doctor mentioned that my period should be coming in two weeks time so i couldn't possibly have all these. Worried, i found this on the web that possibly could address some of my concerns: http://beyondfertility.com/10-to-articles/reasons-for-spotting/

Naturopathy

It came to my realization that i have not taken care of myself since the last miscarriage and it just suddenly dwell on me the importance of taking good care of one self , your mind, body and sooul. SO i have recently been researching about this whole new area of treat called Naturapathy and it is not a new idea to me. Somehow, some one introduced to me last year via a masseur but i did not heed the advice and also seriously i wondered why on one hand i have been saying that I will like to conceive but on the other hand , I am not committing to any concrete efforts. After the last miscarriage in end February, it seemed like a greater wake up call that i need to take care of my own well being. Well, I guess this whole idea has lifted me to take a very different perspective to take a more active control in my fertility issues and seeing myself in a more positive light in terms of my reproductive health as compared to last year. Last year, has just been an emotional roller coaster and trying to regain my own equilibrium. SO hear's sharing some of what naturopatic ideology is According to WiKi,

Naturopathic ideology focuses on naturally-occurring substances, minimally-invasive methods, and encouragement of natural healing. Naturopaths generally favor an intuitive and vitalistic conception of the body, and complete rejection of biomedicine and modern science is common. Prevention through stress reduction and a healthy diet and lifestyle is emphasized, and pharmaceutical drugs, ionizing radiation, and surgery are generally minimized. The philosophy of naturopathic practice is self-described by six core values. 1.First, do no harm; provide the most effective health care available with the least risk to patients at all times (primum non nocere). 2.Recognize, respect and promote the self-healing power of nature inherent in each individual human being. (Vis medicatrix naturae, a form of vitalism).[32] 3.Identify and remove the causes of illness, rather than eliminate or suppress symptoms (Tolle Causum). 4.Educate, inspire rational hope and encourage self-responsibility for health (Doctor as Teacher). 5.Treat each person by considering all individual health factors and influences. (Treat the Whole Person). 6.Emphasize the condition of health to promote well-being and to prevent diseases for the individual, each community

Starting out...

I have decided to start journaling my journey of conception. I have finally realised that this whole issue of fertility is not an easy process for both of us. Having married for the past five years and suffering two miscarriages ,one in 2011 and the recent one in 2012, I have came to understand that despite the many disappointments, anxiety to the possibility of conceiving a healthy bud, i have to submit this whole process to the lord will. I still continue to trust that the lord will bless us because he has promised his people " that none shall be barren and that his generation shall multiply" . I therefore shall hold onto promise and continue to believe. This is the beginning new journey of budding a new bub, may it be a continuous encouragement to all out there who is trying to be a mum and dad.